


Tumblr Oneshots

by scriptrixlatinae



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Mini fics, Mostly Steve/Bucky, Originally Posted on Tumblr, oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 07:35:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18846526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scriptrixlatinae/pseuds/scriptrixlatinae
Summary: Several oneshots which were originally published on tumblr and now are collected here.





	1. The Shit always works

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt: coffeeshop AU + accidentally saving the day

Darcy and Peter Parker work at a coffeeshop, managed/owned by Bucky (who Despises People, and therefore stays in the basement with the bean roaster and the accounts, who at least don’t talk back to him, despite being a third his weight and one-fifth his muscle mass).

He really, truly, sincerely DESPISES people. But that’s why he employs Tiny Awkward Sunshine Genius and Official Big Sister Genius Protector.

Speaking of.

Peter is taking a turn on the register, marking cups (usually with orders, but sometimes with crazy theorems, it’s all good, Darcy is eavesdropping anyway). Darcy is taking occasional license whenever she can talk someone into trying something new. (They just got some new syrups in, aaaaaw yeah.)

Then the fucking douche squad comes in. These assholes always order for half a dozen, it’s always stupid, shitty-tasting drinks, but never the SAME stupid, shitty-tasting drinks, they never tip, they always complain and insult her while trying to look down her shirt…

Darcy hates them, okay? She’d love nothing more than to sic Bucky on them, but he has his own issues, he doesn’t need to knock out every asshole that comes in. Though a girl can dream.

Then the fuckers start on Peter. He takes too long, he mixes up the orders, he overcharges them, he mutters and stutters and stumbles, he’s not perfectly subservient and fawning to their all magical dickfaces. Also he doesn’t have boobs for them to leer at, and Darcy is hidden behind the giant coffee machine and her tower of syrups.

Including one marked “The Shit.”

Now, Darcy does not condone going off-order unless people explicitly give her permission, because she knows all about allergies and diabetes and weird medical conditions, okay? She won’t do it unless she INTENDS to poison someone because, well, she could poison someone.

But these fuckers DESERVE it. So each drink gets a few pumps of what she privately calls “have a bad day” before she snaps lids on and tucks them in drink carriers. She hugs Petie when they leave and doesn’t think much about it until a few days later, when a GORGEOUS blond guy comes in and asks to talk to the owner.

So, apparently Darcy dosed an entire Hydra strike team with uncontrollable diarrhea right before a huge operation, and somebody wants to congratulate her? Whatever.

“Those fuckers made Petie cry, of course I fucking poisoned their drinks. They fucking deserved it.”

Blond Adonis keeps trying not to smile, Bucky totally gets his number, and she is absolutely getting a raise out of this. She stopped some Nazi bullshit AND helped her boss score Captain America? Damn right she’s getting a raise out of this.


	2. Accidentally in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt: terrible first meeting + accidentally married, Stucky

As we all know, the silly boys meet because Bucky  ~~saves Steve’s bacon~~   ~~pulls him out of a trashcan~~  intervenes in one of Steve’s crusades, bless his heart.

They were probably about seven or eight, old enough to play semi-unsupervised, at least back then, and definitely old enough for wee Stevie to have a highly active moral compass. Not the most finely tuned yet, but very active. Hair trigger, in fact.

So when Stevie sees some (older and larger) kids yelling at a mangy cat, he wades in fists first. He was expecting the black eye, although the broken nose is a first.

Bucky is wandering nearby and hears the ruckus. Seeing a tiny shock of blond hair and venom being whaled on, he assumes the worst and wades into the fight to rescue -

Not his sister. Okay. Well, he’s here already, he may as well separate everyone.

Steve’s combatants are happy to let someone else deal with the crazy, so they scarper as soon as Bucky pulls Steve off of them.

“You deserve it, you ugly cat haters!” Steve screeches after them, because he has no sense. “I’ll tell your ma!”

Bucky looks over Steve’s shoulder (he has him in a bear hug) at the - big surprise - not a cat. It’s a possum, and it’s hissing in the lee of some knocked over trash cans.

“Are you blind or just an idiot?” Bucky shoves the roughed up blond away and points. “POSSUM. Dumb ugly rodent. Possibly your brother. Definitely not a cat.”

Stevie scowls. “Well, it doesn’t deserve to have people yelling at it. And it’s not my brother.”

“It hisses and bites and picks fights in alleys. I don’t see much difference.”

The new fight somehow escalates into Steve attempting to prove that possums are just as worthy of becoming pets as cats, and getting the shit clawed out of him. Bucky’s sister Becca - whom he’d originally mistaken Steve for - hears the hissing and her brother’s yelling, and comes to investigate. She, out of soft-heartedness and contrary little sisterhood, immediately takes Steve’s side and also gets the shit clawed out of her.

No one goes home happy, especially once their mothers see the blood, scratches, and possum droppings.

Unfortunately for Bucky, Steve and Becca are now inseparable in their crusade to save all the animals of New York, and Mama Barnes expects him to keep them out of trouble.

* * *

Fast forward about a decade, and Bucky is still pulling Steve out of fights that he can’t win. After all, his mother and sister have basically adopted the idiot, so he’s stuck with him. They’re running from a fresh set of bullies when Bucky sees people streaming into a local church and drags Steve into the crowd.

There’s no hope that the service - whatever it is - will cure Steve of his madness, but sitting at the front will at least keep Steve from running off to find another fight, and being in a church will prevent the bullies from following them.

In their distraction, neither notice that the first several rows have special rosettes at the end, or that they are exclusively populated by couples. Mostly a young soldier and a woman in a fancy dress.

So they sit, and follow along with the unfamiliar service, and take communion, and sign the registry - odd, but whatever - with everyone else, and…

Then the pastor says some kind of blessing and asks everyone to kiss, and oh shit, it’s one of those mass weddings for soldiers about to leave for the war. And they’re seated with the newlyweds. They…said the vows and took communion and  _signed the goddamn marriage license holy shit they’re married_.

No wonder the holy father gave them an odd look when Bucky dragged Steve up to the altar for communion. Shit.

Aaaaaand that same holy father apparently recognized Steve, because after he dismissed the congregation, he makes his way over to them and asks why Steve has never brought his young man before. Welcomes them both and reminds them that everyone is welcome in the house of God and that all forms of love are beautiful to Him.

Bucky is never living this down.


	3. Art is Romantic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Imagine sugar daddy Bucky trying to romance nervous, tiny artist Steve.

Maybe they meet at a gallery showing - Pepper is 100% responsible, whether she owns the gallery or merely patronizes it frequently enough that when she says “Bucky, there’s this darling artist with the most incredible paintings, you  _must_  come before the showing is over”, he listens.

(Though let’s be real: Pepper tells Natasha, who just tells Bucky “You’re going.” He goes.)

And not only was Pepper 100% correct about the incredible paintings, the artist is… The words “tiny,” “beautiful,” and “wet dream” come to mind. Also, after speaking to him for five minutes, “passionate,” “righteous,” and “determined.” Bucky thinks to himself “I want more of him in my life” and starts an intense discussion about art - the gallery in general, and Steve’s art in specific - in an attempt to monopolize Steve’s attention.

(It works. There’s a gorgeous man in a suit asking about his favorite subject, and apparently he’s also friends with Steve’s new patron goddess Pepper? OF COURSE he stays.)

(Also Pepper and Natasha are off in a corner, sipping wine and being very tastefully smug. Spoiler: they 100% rule the world, but the boys just haven’t figured it out yet.)

And so maybe Bucky, rich engineer/inventor that he is, decides to commission a painting from the wonderfully talented Artist Rogers. Of….

Fuck. What can he pick that would guarantee more time with Steve? ( _Nude self portrait_ , a stray thought whispers. He tells it firmly,  _wait until my SECOND commission._ )

But wait! He has three lovely younger sisters! And ever since their parents sadly passed, they live with him. Perfect!

(Bucky. Bucky no. Bucky don’t introduce your sisters to the boy you’re trying to woo. Bucky. That’s a terrible plan AND YOU KNOW IT.)

(He still hasn’t recovered from letting them meet Natasha, even if she is his BFF.)

So suddenly, this rich friend of Pepper’s (and  _Tony motherfucking Stark_ , jesus) is sending a car for Steve three times a week, to bring him to this ridiculous town house-mansion-place and paint three girls from early high school to college age. While watching him. Very closely.

It’s a group portrait, so the girls - Becca, Skye, and Darcy - all feed off each other, teasing each other, Bucky, and occasionally Steve. And Bucky is always so patient with them, kind and supportive and (sometimes) teasing back.

Almost makes him forget that the guy hovers like he expects Steve to proposition his sisters if he leaves them alone for two seconds.

And he keeps trying to  _feed_  Steve. Invites him out to fancy restaurants and clubs, like he could ever afford a tenth of an appetizer, let alone a full meal. Or like they’d let a scruffy artist through the door. And loaning him rare art books, or offering to arrange private tours at some of the city’s most exclusive art museums. What the hell.

(Steve is very bad at being wooed.)

(Everyone else is watching with popcorn. It’s great.)

Steve finishes the sister portrait. Returns the art books. Declines another dinner out, another museum visit, a portrait unveiling party. Goes home. Wonders what the hell rich people even think, to glare over his shoulder for weeks and then try to buy him off?

Two weeks later, Natasha appears on his doorstep.

“Mr. Barnes would like to commission another portrait, size and pose at your discretion, for his personal study. A  _self_  portrait.”

The fuck?


	4. Steve & Time Travel Fix-It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Endgame's final scene SHOULD have gone.

Steve knows the “return the infinity stones” time travel mission is coming. He knows he’ll see Peggy again, so he makes a few preparations.

Nothing big. Just checks a few old files, combs his hair, has a short chat with some friends. Y'know. The usual.

He drops into the bunker, puts the stone back where it goes, and then sets out to find Peggy.

After they get through the “yes it’s really me, not a copy/clone/trick/etc” (Peggy is damn smart, you know she’d be suspicious of a miracle like that), they have a long chat. About, oh, lots of things.

What ifs and maybes. Alternate futures and pasts, how he misses her but is glad that she’s doing well. A few SHIELD-relevant tidbits. (The names of Hydra traitors, the coordinates of his plane’s crash site, the Winter Soldier project.)

He may not get to stay in this timeline, but he can damn well help the people in it. And then they have their dance, quiet and alone, before he says goodbye.

The rest of the stones are easy to return. He thanks Friga and the Sorceress Supreme, punches Red Skull off the cliff (it’s not very effective, but  _damn_ it feels good), puts everything back. And then he goes home.

Now, one of those friends he talked to? Was Dr. Strange. Who can, among other things, cast illusion spells. And while Steve IS a paragon of justice and fair treatment for all, he is also a giant troll. And Sam has been overdoing the “America’s ass” teasing.

Also, the man still hasn’t noticed Steve and Bucky snogging in every half-hidden corner of the compound. Man needs to get a damn clue.

So yes, he and Sam have the heartfelt “you’re Captain America now” talk, Bucky steps forward to sit next to Steve, and the illusion wears off.

Then Bucky sticks his tongue down Steve’s throat, says “we’ll be on our honeymoon-slash-retirement if you need us, don’t call unless the universe is  _actually_  ending this time,” and they peace out to Wakanda.

(Shuri fistbumps Bucky when they get on the fancy plane. T’challa cries one manly tear for true love, and also warns Birdy not to lose the shield.)


End file.
